No one is perfect. But everyone has some qualities in them that are worth appreciating, and there are some flaws that make us who we are. It does not matter that we are not flawless, what matters is how we accept ourselves and embrace it.
Our children are the apple of our eye. They mean the world to us, and we want them to be nothing but ‘the best.’ And in the race to do this, we forget to accept them for what they are and strengthen our relationship with them.
Every child is capable of doing great things in life. However, the atmosphere that they get plays a very important role in whether they are successful or not. There are going to be a lot of people in this world who will question your child. But, you have to be there to support them always. And here is how you can do that.
Don’t confuse the meaning of acceptance.
Acceptance does not mean you are saying it through your words, but are your actions and more importantly vibes giving the same message? It is like having a debit card and no pin to use it. It’s useless! What use are empty words to your kids?
Your children need to feel the positive energy flow from you when you tell them that you accept them. Not just children, but everyone can sense the energy. Positive energy is always in support of growth and negative energy always looks to put you down.
So, the bottom line is acceptance must be filled with positive energy because we want it to be helpful for our kids.
Understanding children as per present times.
You grew up in another era, your children have totally different surroundings. So, before you reprimand them for something that they are doing, consider the challenges of present times. The new normal today is different from what it was in your time.
When we accept that our children will have a different childhood than us, half of our discomfort will vanish. We need to be understanding. Try seeing them from the lens of the new age. Life will get much simpler for both of you.
What does comparison mean? We are telling them that why can’t they be like someone who we may consider to be perfect. What does that tell them? It tells them that their parents find someone else to be perfect and that their parents don’t like them for who they are. What does this show? Our unacceptance.
Everyone is sailing in a different boat. Everyone has varied qualities and circumstances. If we are comparing our children with some random person, it is injustice for our children as well as what we are doing for them. We are disrespecting our kids and ourselves. Instead of focusing on what heights other kids are reaching, we can focus on our child’s qualities. And if you think your child has nothing worthy of acknowledging in your child, then you just haven’t found it yet.
Don’t always be in ‘improve yourself mode.’
Nobody is going to like it if someone is telling them to constantly do better at this and do better at that. I understand that you want your children to do well in life, and there is nothing wrong with it. However, you are not conveying the right message when you keep telling them their shortcomings all the time.
In trying to get them to become better, you are ruining your relationship with your children. You are ‘making them better,’ but at what price? We are compromising on our bond with them in the process. I do not think this is what any parent would want. And don’t forget, once your bond weakens whom will they learn from and hence how will they get better? Isn’t it the same thing happening with most kids and parents around?
Be a facilitator.
Our job as parents is to be a provider. We have to give them an environment to thrive. But, how to do it and where to thrive should completely be their decision. Once you understand that you do not have to make their life for them, you are going to be more accepting.
Your children can choose paths that you did not think about and still do exceptionally well in life. We just have to be there to facilitate their growth wherever necessary.
Understand what they like and don’t like.
When you ask your children about their likes and dislikes, one thing that is absolutely mandatory is that you do not criticize them for it. They have trusted you with their choices, you can’t ruin it by telling them that they made a wrong decision by sharing with you.
When you understand their preferences it is going to become easier for you to accept your children. It will also help you in decoding the reasoning behind their decisions. It moves along the process of accepting.
Don’t force them to do something that they are not comfortable with.
Some parents think that pushing their kids in the deep end of the pool will be beneficial for them. They could not have been more wrong. There is nothing more disturbing for your child. Good luck trying to get them to trust you after that.
If your child does not like something, then you need to respect their wishes. You need to ‘accept’ that they are unique and need to acknowledge it.
Have an open mind.
Sometimes, the limitations of our mind to understand some things makes it harder for us to reason with our children. We are the adults in the relationship. We need to be the ‘understanding one.’
We have to broaden our horizons. Our children are capable of achieving great heights, we need to believe in them. Just because something does not fit in the four walls of our thinking doesn’t mean it has to be discarded.
Your actions will speak louder than words.
You tell your children you support them, great. However, when it comes to doing the deed we put our foot down, not great. We need to stay true to our words. After all, that is what we teach our kids too, don’t we?
When we tell our children that we accept them, then our actions need to reciprocate the same message. Words without actions are hollow promises that your children do not require. They need you to act on your words. If you say you accept them, then you have to actually do it.