Society has created the image of a ‘good’ mother. Any mother who does not fall in that image is titled to be a bad mother. Every mother knows what is best for her own child and if it does not fall under the definition of that stereotypical good mother then, she is judged a lot.
She is judged for her choices, she is judged for her love towards her child, and she is judged for everything there is to be judged.
Moreover, some ‘qualities’ that are described for a good mother happen to actually be harmful for her child. Here are a few qualities of the namesake good mother has that a so called bad mother doesn’t possess, telling us that being a bad mother is not so bad
The notion that you have to protect your child is good, but if you are way too protective then that is going to be bad. A mother who protects her child but still doesn’t follow the rules of this overprotection is shamed for not being protecting enough of her progeny.
But the joke is on society, because over protectiveness is harmful for the child as he/she will never learn to fight their own battles. Furthermore, they will always want their mother to fight their every war for them, making them seriously incompetent.
A so-called bad mother does protect her child, but when it comes to fighting their own battles, she plays more of a supporting role than the role of a protagonist.
If being a bad mother means you don’t fight their every battle for them, then being a bad mother is not so bad.
When your child is a baby, it is okay to do their work for them (simply because they haven’t developed as much). But once the child has developed enough for a certain task, then they should back off and let them do it. When a mother makes her child tie his own shoe lace or makes them brush their own teeth, she is frowned upon. But when a mother ‘lovingly’ does all these things for her child she is crowned mommy of the year.
“How will he/she do it? They are just kids.” Is their explanation. They never realize that this statement becomes out of date for every task once the child grows up. If you keep doing their work for them, when will they do it? Does loving your child mean that you make them dependent on you for their entire life?
A mother who encourages their child to do things on their own and is trying her best to make them independent can hardly be titled a bad mother. She is making her child independent. She is making sure that her child can survive in this world without her and stand on their own two feet.
If being a bad mother means you don’t do every single thing then, being a bad mother is not so bad.
A mother must be constantly anxious about her child to earn the certificate of the best mother. Worrying about your child is a job requirement for the post of a mother. But that does not mean that she has to keep worrying about them 24*7 365 days a year. What people think is that if you don’t check up on your child 30 times a day, you are not worried enough about them.
Worrying is fine, but doing that constantly not only annoys your children but also makes them distant from you. And that is definitely not going to get you a best mother gift mug from your child.
If being a bad mother means that you give them their space then being a bad mother is not so bad.
“I want my child to be happy, so I want him/her to do this in their life”, said a stereotypically good mother. You children are not some toy dolls whose lives you make in the toy world. These are real people in the real world with real thoughts, dreams and qualities.
If you keep making them do everything the way you want just because you are their mother and you know what is best for them, then that does not make you an amazing mom. That just makes you an extremely dominating person.
On the other hand when a mother lets their child take their own decisions she is not caring enough about her child’s future.
If being a bad mother means you let them take their own decisions then being a bad mother is not so bad.
When a mother thinks that her child will do all there is in this world, she is being so thoughtful about her child. But is she? Does making your child do everything in the world mean that you are being a wonderful mother? Then don’t worry if you don’t do it.
Every child is different and not every child wants to do all the ten thousand things that they achieve in this world. If you want your child to do everything, go ahead. But don’t be hopeful that they will thank you one day about it.
But if a mother does not wish to make her child everything, then she isn’t wrong. It was her and her child’s personal choice that they made in the best interest of the child. She does not need to hear it from others that because she isn’t making her child an all- rounder she is not doing her job right.
If being a bad mother means that you don’t want to force your child to be an all-rounder then being a bad mother is not so bad.
Covering up for your child’s mistake
Covering up your child’s mistake is very dangerous for them. Once they realize that there are no consequences for doing a mistake they will run wild. But, what is more shocking is that some people believe that as they are kids, the mistakes don’t need to be corrected and there is no need to make an issue out of it or hold them responsible for it.
But if a mother wants her child to take the responsibility of their mistakes then she is wrong? If she wants them to rectify their mistake and become more responsible she is labeled a bad mom.
Well if being a bad mother means that you are going to make them responsible people then being a bad mother is not so bad.
Giving up on her own life
This has been the epitome of being a good mother for so long, not anymore. Once you become a mother you don’t turn into some machine who has no tasks other than taking care of their child. If you want to give up on your life for your child then it is your choice.
But when a mother decides that additionally to being a mother she wants to have her own identity, she is being selfish.
The mothers who want to ‘do it all’ are severely judged by the society because according to them, once women become mothers they have achieved their final goal. And now they need to take care of their child every second of the day, and cater to their every need even when they grow up and don’t need you every moment of their life. If a mother chooses to do something for herself, she doesn’t become a criminal. It is okay.
So, if being a bad mother means you have your own life then being a bad mother is not so bad.
Every mother wants what is best for her child and every mother has her own ways. This does not mean that one way is wrong or right. What works for your child is the right way for your child. And what doesn’t work for your child, well it works for someone else. So don’t stress, you are doing a good job, keep it up.