Mom, Dad Please! please! I promise I will do whatever you say! This is the last thing that I will ever ask! Please, pretty please?
And, it goes on and on for what feels like an eternity. One of the responsibilities of parents is saying ‘no.’ If our children want to do anything that is not right, then it is our duty to stop them from doing it. But, it is also one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life, isn’t it?
Turns out, our children do not like hearing the word no (surprise! surprise!). It feels like as parents most of our time goes in refusing them from doing things that are not good for them. It feels like you are at constant war with your children. But, we have found an amazing solution for you! Here is how you can say no to your kids in the right way.
When you have to say no, tell them calmly and firmly.
Here there are some conditions that apply. When we have to say no to our kids, we should do it as maturely and calmly as possible. State it as clearly as possible with positivity. While talking to our children have positive energy around you while refusing.
Tell your children your reason for refusing. Talk to them like they are mature adults. You will be astonished at their maturity. They will definitely listen to you calmly and try to understand your point of view.
What to do when they still don’t listen?
Now, there is a chance that your kids may not listen even after all of the above. When they refuse to listen to you, now is the time to impose it on them. As parents, it is our duty to say no to our children wherever necessary, and we have to take it seriously.
It is the time that you have to sternly take your stand. But, make sure that there is no negativity when you do it. And remember that your decision to not let your child do something should only affect that activity, and not anything else. Meaning, everything else should remain as it was before. It will let them know that this does not harm your relationship in any way.
Before we say no to our children, there are some things that we need to see.
Hear them out patiently.
Whatever our children want to say to us, try and listen to it patiently. Most of the time they think that they did not get an opportunity to present their side. It creates unnecessary animosity in their minds about you. It makes your children think that you do not value their opinion.
Not listening to your child’s reasoning also has deeper repercussions in their life. They will feel that their opinion doesn’t matter. They will stop thinking about you as a confidante. And this is what they will learn too. They will never develop the habit of listening to others and being open to different ideologies.
If you want your children to learn the art of communication, we need to teach them listening first. And how do we do that? By influencing them through your own actions.
Have an open mind.
Whenever you are about to talk to your children, do not enter the conversation with an idea fixed in your mind. Keep your mind clear. They are your children, don’t have some fixed assumptions in your mind that will influence your decision.
More often than none, we often make a situation into something that it isn’t. Because we have something already in our mind that puts different filters in your mind and things seem contorted in your mind.
So, when your child comes to you with something, then listen to them without any biases in your mind. Take your decision purely on what the children have come to you with. Give them a fair chance. Not only through your words, but through your actions too.
Don’t dismiss it too quickly.
Our natural response is ‘no.’ this answer is hardwired in our brain. So, when our children come to us with a proposal, even before we hear them out completely, we just refuse it. We don’t even take seconds to decide.
Think about how it affects our kids. They think that they can never reason with their parents. So, in the future when they want something, they will hesitate to talk to you. They will start hiding things from you just because they know you will prohibit them from doing it.
It is going to strain the relationship between the two of you. They will start avoiding you. And this is going to create trouble for you in their later years.
If what they are saying is reasonable then there is no harm in saying yes.
Think about what your kids are saying carefully. If what they are saying makes sense, then what is the harm in saying yes? Our children are not unreasonable all the time. Sometimes, they even have brilliant ideas, and in such situations, we need to appreciate them.
Now there are a couple of benefits of saying yes to your kids. First, they will understand that what they are asking is right. Second, they will understand that you respect their views. And third, they will know that you say no only when it is absolutely necessary. It will make them trust you. When there are so many positives to something we should definitely try it out.
Now, even after all these things we still have to say no, we can do it the way we discussed before.
This is how you can say no to your children. Remember, the key is doing it only when it is absolutely impossible to avoid. Positive energy is very important over here. When there is positivity in whatever we do, it is accepted well by others. Our children respond in the same way that we treat them.
They are our reflections that mimic whatever we do, good or bad. So, we need to make sure that we give them something good to follow.