Our children are constantly under our assessment. We are always thinking about what they did, whether it was right or wrong, and how it will affect their future. Now, as parents, we also tend to panic, worry, and fear about our child’s well being now as well as when they are adults. And that is what corrupts our assessment about them.
Our brain has the tendency to perceive reality through filters, which is why what we store in our brain may not always be accurate. When we think about our children, what we see may not actually be the reality. We may have wrongfully conceptualized some things in our mind which create a picture that is so contorted from the present.
So, if we want to properly understand our children and attempt to form a bond with them, we need to understand the situation for what it is. We need to realize that we have some misconceptions about our kids that cloud our judgment about them. And here are some of the probable misconceptions you may have about your kids.
A happy child will not take things seriously.
Let us imagine a scenario. There is a very happy child. Now, what does that mean? The child is not stressed. If you want to be truly happy, you have to have high self-esteem. This means the child is not crippled by fear, anxiety, or pressure. Now, does the above evidence suggest carelessness?
No, it shows a deep foundation. Taking things seriously does not mean you fret over the situations for a long time, and worry about it. You can be committed to something and still not let yourself get consumed by it. So, just because your children seem happy, do not assume that there is nothing stressful going on in their life. There is a very real possibility that they have found a healthy way to deal with it.
Stress is the way to make them work.
People say that stress makes you work. Well, they are not wrong. But, at what cost? Any kind of stimulant makes you work, but when the stimulant is negative, it comes along with its own set of side effects.
When someone performs under extreme duress, it hampers their growth. That task is now surrounded by negativity. Now, whenever you think back, you remember all the bad parts of it. If you like something, you don’t need anything in the world to make you work.
Stress may produce results, but we cannot guarantee quality. Sure, stress seems like a quick solution to all your problems, but is it sustainable? No, children are going to develop scores of challenges because of these frustrating incidents. Your kids should do something because they want to, not because they have to. And that is what will truly matter.
Freedom/autonomy will be misused.
This is a blatant assumption. If you have ever given your children freedom you will realize that they show exceptional growth. Now, I can fathom why we have built up this misconception in our minds.
Whenever we give our children even an ounce of freedom, we notice that, more often than none, they are abusing their power. And the moment we see this, we rescind all the allowances we have given them.
Whenever we do something new, we are bound to make mistakes. So, did you pause for one second and think this for your kids too? In the beginning, there are bound to be some issues. For any system to work smoothly, we have to flatten out the creases. So, it may seem like they are taking undue advantage of their freedom. Give them time. They will learn in due course.
They will not be able to fend for themselves, and hence it falls on our shoulders.
Every human being is wired to be able to take care of themselves. But we parents tend to get overprotective. We start thinking that our children are not ready for the challenges of the world. Well, let me ask you this if you never let them take charge, how will you know if they can handle it or not?
Let us listen to a story. Once, a teacher brought a cocoon to a classroom and said that now you are going to see a beautiful butterfly come out of it. The children are very excited and they get extremely attached to it. Now, the teacher goes out for a while when the children notice that the butterfly is struggling to come out.
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So, they decide to help the butterfly by opening the cocoon for it. However, a moment later the butterfly dies. The teacher comes back and asks for the reason. That is when she tells them that it is essential for the butterfly to break the cocoon on its own as it gives it the essential strength to survive. Do you get the moral of the story?
If we keep protecting our kids, like the children tried protecting the butterfly, we are actually causing more harm.
If you don’t micromanage, things will never happen.
Micromanaging is an annoying and temporary solution. We first need to let go, and then see whether things are happening or not. At first, no doubt, things will take time to get in place, but eventually, kids will figure it out on their own. And isn’t that our final aim, making our kids self-sufficient?
Kids never listen.
Children do listen to you. However, there are a few terms and conditions that apply here which creates the illusion that they never listen.
Will you like it if someone is always talking to you about where you can do more? Would you be keen on listening to someone if they never let you speak? Would you appreciate it if you got the same advice a thousand times? Are you always in the mood to talk shop? If the answer to all these questions is no, then you know what you have to do.
When it comes to our kids, we should always try and be supportive of them. We should always be there for them in all their endeavors. Our children need our love and compassion as they get criticism and self-doubt from so many others.