Yelling, shouting, and screeching at your child leaves you exhausted and drained. There seems no way to win against those little tykes. Yelling at them is like yelling in front of the wall, and there is a chance that the wall may crack but your child just won’t listen.
When you find yourself constantly hollering about something up to no avail, it is time to change your game plan. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Here are some ways in which you can get your kids to listen without shouting yourself hoarse and protecting your sanity.
Make rules together
Instead of declaring your rule over them by shouting, make a treaty with them. Make clear rules with them. Both parties involved must agree upon the rules and the consequences of any rule being broken.
Once you have made rules with them there will be no reason for you to yell at them. And as an added bonus there will be no tantrums and wailing every time you want them to do something as they have already made the rules and agreed to them.
List the rules down and keep them in such a place that it is in clear eyesight so that they will not forget them. Give them the power to decide something for themselves makes them responsible and because it was their decision too they will live up to it.
Warn before taking action
Even before wars happen, people attempt to make peace. Whenever you feel like they are not keeping their end of the bargain, remind them. Tell them that they have been avoiding this rule and if they don’t want punishment, they better get working.
If a warning doesn’t help go ahead with the punishment. Make it clear to them that if they don’t do it then they are going to have to face the punishment. And be firm with the decision of the punishment if they take you for granted.
Decide on mutually agreed penalty in case kids break rules
When your child realizes that they are not being held responsible for a task that they haven’t done, they are going to take this as an opportunity to run wild. They are going to slack off. When you have made rules together penalties must also be mutually decided.
If and when they break any rule, penalize them. Be firm on your stand that they have to accept and honor the penalty. Once they understand that they aren’t let loose in the wilderness, they will become more responsible.
Acknowledge their good work whenever you get the opportunity. Positive reinforcement always works. Who doesn’t like to be appreciated? Appreciation will always motivate them to do better. Whenever they have done a good job at their chores or in their homework, appreciate it. If their bad work is being punished, then their good work must be rewarded.
Decide upon a way they want to be rewarded just like they had a say in what the rules and punishments will be.
The reason they might not be doing a particular task is that they might be facing some difficulty. Talk to them before jumping any guns. If they find a task difficult then help them with it. Show them simple ways to do it.
Instead of yelling at them for not completing a job, when you listen to them and help them they automatically start trusting you and the bond between you strengthens.
Asking the right questions
Don’t ask questions you won’t get straight answers to. Children are very smart to sense a problematic question coming their way, and they will have their strategies at the ready. Asking a straightforward question about when they are going to get something done will only be met by back answers or the infamous ‘why’.
Instead, mask your question inside another question that seems harmless to them. For example, instead of asking them “when are you going to be done with their schoolwork?”, ask them “what all do you have to do before going to play?” This question will tell them that playing is going to be out of the question till the assigned tasks are not done.
Being positive is always a better option for you and your children. Instead of using negative words, try using positive words. A positive attitude goes a long way in solving your problems. Be calm always, don’t get frustrated with them.
Change doesn’t happen in a day, you have to give it time, be patient. Have talks with them about these rules and how they are settling with them. Validate their feelings, empathize with them. If they are having a hard time with
the rules, discuss what could make it easier on them. Ask them if they have any new ideas to do a task that would make it easier for them.
Get help if necessary
If you have tried absolutely everything in the book, on the internet, even listened to all the advice your neighbors and neighbor’s neighbors had to offer but to no avail. If your child is absolutely not listening to you and you often find yourself at a loss and if there is no peace at all at home, then you should get help.
If you feel that the problem is getting out of your hands then don’t hesitate to ask for a professional opinion. With professional help, you will get to the root cause and know how to handle the situation better.
Have faith in yourself and your child. You always need to work on your relationship. Following rules and regulations for some period of time and then just letting it all go will not make the situation better. Make a plan and see it through.