When you have kids, getting a divorce becomes very stressful. You have to worry about the effect such a big step will have on you as well as the repercussions this will have in your child’s life.
It is not going to be easy for your child to see his parents separating. But, you can definitely try and make it as less traumatizing and confusing for your child as possible. Follow these pointers to make sure that your child will be able to handle this situation in a healthy way.
Be honest with them.
Our children are very smart. They pick up on the tiniest of details. And a big thing like divorce is not going to go unnoticed. They will realize it. So, trying to cover it up is not going to get you anywhere.
Besides, people around you, may it be your friends or family, they are going to discuss it. And your child is bound to know. So it is better for them that they come to know about this from you and not someone else.
When it comes from you, your child will be able to take it better. There are a lot of things that our kids may not understand, and when they are with you, you can clear it up for them.
Don’t try to sugarcoat it. Be calm and explain all of it in the simplest way you can. Also, let your child be one of the first people to know about it so that they have enough time to process it.
Don’t squabble in front of them.
Your child loves both his/her parents equally. Seeing them separated is traumatizing as it is for your child, the last thing they want to see is parents constantly bickering with each other.
I understand that you may have your differences. But, your child does not need to see it or be a part of it. You can discuss your issues whenever your child is not around. Even the smallest of things could stick in their mind and trouble them their entire life. So, you have to be very careful about how you speak or act in front of them. It is a delicate situation, and you have to minimize the damage as much as possible.
Let them know that this divorce was between partners and not parents.
Partners can separate, but parents shouldn’t. When partners are divorced, it affects only them. But as parents, you have to have your child’s best interests in mind too.
So, if you want to get divorced, it is your personal matter. But, just make sure that your child does not lose out on parents. Let your child know that this was a divorce between a couple and not his/her mom and dad. They will still have their parents, both parents, with them. They should not have to choose between either of you.
Don’t berate their other parent in front of your child.
For your child, both of you are very dear. They love both of you with all their heart. And if you talk bad about the person that they love so much, it is going to break their heart.
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Think about the position you put your child in. How could they handle one beloved person criticizing another beloved person? I don’t say that your issues with your spouse don’t matter. They do. But, for your child, both of you are perfect.
Don’t poison their thoughts. It will scar them for life. They will never forget it, and they will always hold it against them. It will ruin a perfectly happy relationship they had with their mother or father. Moreover, this will always affect their future relationships too.
Talk
No matter how smoothly things go, a divorce will always be difficult for a child. They will be going through a lot of emotions. You have to talk to them. Discuss what they are feeling.
Don’t dismiss what your child may be going through. Address their concerns even if they seem trivial to you. Keep connecting with them.
Communicate with their other parent.
You have to be on the same page with your partner about how you are going to raise your child. If possible, communicate with them. When your children notice that their parents can be cordial with each other for them, it will make the transition a little more comfortable for them.
If both you and your spouse are not in sync about parenting your child, they are going to be caught in the crossfire. They won’t have normalcy or consistency in their life. Which could in turn mess with their mental health.
Avoid court at all costs.
Court is not a place for kids. Your child should not have to see a place like this ever. Avoid going to court and dragging your child there with you. It is going to be a trauma that will always stay with them. It is going to affect their mental health in magnitudes that you won’t be able to comprehend just then.
And, let me tell you being outside the court, listening to what happened in the court, and actually being in the courtroom are equally damaging. In fact, the first two are more dangerous.
If you keep flowers in a negative atmosphere, they are going to wilt. The same is going to happen to your children in court.
Opt for counseling.
It is a real possibility that there could be some things that may not be in your control. In such situations, getting professional help will be very helpful for your child. Your child will find a healthy way to deal with the entire solution. And after all, we want what is best for our children. So, if getting them in counseling is the right thing to do, then don’t hesitate.
Whatever your child goes through in his/her life, it stays with them forever. It shapes how they will be in the future. So, we need to give them a positive atmosphere in their childhood.
If parents are going through a divorce, their child is at stake. This entire situation should not have a negative impact on them and their future. So, as parents, try to keep yourself as positive as possible and give them an atmosphere where they can flourish.