Being able to solve your own problems is not a skill recognized by many. When we have it, we don’t even realize it. But, we start seeing the ‘problem’ when we lack it.
If we want our children to be independent and self-sufficient, problem-solving is a majority part of it. But, how will our children learn it, if we never allow them to handle the issues in their life?We have to ensure that our kids can get out of any situation without your, or anybody else’s, help. So, instead of doing it for them, we have to teach them. And, here is how you can do it.
Have faith in them.
Our children borrow from our energy. If it is positive, the entire atmosphere is pleasant. But if there is negative energy, the entire family is going to reciprocate. So, as parents, our first job is providing an environment where they can thrive.
And how do we do that? When we want our children to do something, first of all, we have to believe in them. We have to have faith that they can do it. And, just showing that you ‘believe’ will not do it.
You have to feel it. Because your children will definitely feel it. Just saying “I have faith in you,” and actually thinking it a thousand leagues different.
Let them make mistakes.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Making mistakes is the first step to learning. If you haven’t made mistakes, you haven’t really explored anything. Making your child a problem solver means you have to first make yourself strong enough to let them make some blunders along the way.
When you are sending your child on a mission, you cannot be on tiptoes waiting to pull them out of it at the slightest sign of trouble. Let them do what they can think of in every situation. It will not be right all the time. Especially in the beginning, the ratio of the times they solved a problem to the times where they created ten new is going to be very low.
And, now is the time to let them experiment. We are looking at the bigger picture here. If you solve their problems for them in the first twenty or so years of their life, they are going to struggle for the next forty-fifty years of their lives.
Guide them through their problems and concerns.
In a parent-child relationship, the most valuable thing that parents bring to the table is ‘experience.’ You have lived many years before them in this world, and you have been fighting your own battles. Now, it is time for you to pass on the knowledge.
You can guide them through their problems and issues that they are going through. It means that you can advise them about the way that they can go about an issue, or when they are stuck you can give them a little nudge.
Remember, any problem can be big or small for them. So, what may seem very silly to you, can be quite a huge hurdle for them. Therefore, instead of criticizing them for it, try and guide them through it to the best of your abilities.
Prepare them for problems and their plans.
Problems are a part and parcel of everybody’s lives. So, it is better that you go in prepared, rather than clueless about what to do. Every problem that your child faces is unique to them, then how do you ready them for something that is not known yet?
You have to develop their mind. You have to make them capable. In every field, there are practice rounds or training, which is not exactly like the real challenge. However, these drills equip you to handle real-time issues. And that is exactly what we are supposed to do with our children.
Don’t keep them in a bubble where they have no care in the world, or don’t even know that ‘problems’ exist. When there are obstacles in the path, trying to hide them will not work, dealing with them is essential.
Only having faith isn’t enough. Your faith has to be of some use for your child. You have to channel that belief to encourage them. There will be times when they will want to give up on trying to fix a problem, that is where you have to motivate them.
You have to give them the energy and patience to try ‘one last time’ every time they say they are done. To become successful, having a strong support system is so important. And you have to be that for your child.
Share your experiences
When your children know that they are not the only ones to have the problems, dealing with it becomes that much easier. So, tell them your stories.
It will give your children the boost that they need. Also, our children will never listen if we tell them that, ‘this is the right way, follow it.’ Instead, we can tell them our stories and if they want they can take the lesson. Providing them with all the necessary equipment is your job, what they want to use, and how they want to tackle a situation is up to them.
Another benefit is bonding. You and your child can have a good time together sharing experiences and getting to know each other better.
There are plenty of stories that will inspire children to deal with their own challenges. You can tell them these stories regularly.
Storytelling is not just for toddlers, you can do that with your grown-up children too. Find out stories about successful people who have overcome their hurdles to be where they are. It will not only motivate your children, but it may also give them an idea about dealing with their own problems.
Your children are not going to become experts in a day, you need to be patient and let them take their own time to get there. You have to remember your goal and relentlessly work towards it.