Not everything is in our hands. Some things are a gift to us, like our family. And some, we have the liberty to choose for us, like our friends. And it is a very crucial decision too. We are going to spend the majority of our time with them, share our secrets, and make a lot of memories with them. So we have to select wisely.
Because, if we don’t, then things that can go bad will go. And, it is a decision we have to make for ourselves. No one can pick our friends for us. It is a huge responsibility, and we cannot falter here, lest the consequences will be dire.
There will always be people in our life who will seem to be one thing and turn out to be entirely different. And, when it happens with the people we choose as our ally, we are in deep trouble. So, it is necessary to know who is our true friend before it is too late.
Thankfully, it is not rocket science. But is it complicated? Well, not if you get a hold of the concept. Here is a test that you can take to determine whether you have made the right choice or not.
Ask yourself the following questions, and things will start clearing up soon enough.
Do you talk about ‘you’?
Some people only need an audience for what they have to say. But, when the tables turn, they can’t handle listening to others when they are talking.
It is a conversation among friends, isn’t it? So, everyone should have a chance to express themselves. And, a true friend will always listen to you because you are important to them, and they value you and your thoughts.
So, when you are in a conversation with your real friend, you will feel like you are in a conversation and not an audience to a talk show where you just listen.
Now, remember that we are talking about who is in the spotlight (so to speak) on an average. You cannot think that it will always be the same.
Sometimes, your friends need you to just hear them. The million-dollar question is, do they do the same for you?
Do you always think about how you are presenting yourself in front of them?
Real friendship requires no filters. It does not care about ‘what you have,’ but ‘who you are.’ Your behavior and your values, and what you are on the inside matters.
You cannot be under the pressure of having the latest cool game just because you want to fit in with your group of friends. You don’t have to be insecure in front of anyone, especially your buddies.
The person who accepts you as you are even when you think you are at the lowest point of your life is very precious. You lock the ‘best friend’ position for such people and keep them with you at all times because they are the real deal.
Did they ever make you do something that you weren’t comfortable doing?
Everybody has different likes and dislikes. You and your friend don’t need to have the same tastes. The magic of real companionship is, no matter how different you are, you can still coexist without having to do every single thing together.
If you do not like going on roller coasters, then it is your choice. And does your friend respect it? See, them saying ‘Common! It will be fun’ is okay. But them not respecting your wishes even after you clearly say ‘no’ is a sign of trouble.
You make accommodations for each other, yes. But, that is to make your pal feel more comfortable. For example, my friend is a person who can survive without a fan, or an AC, or any other form of cooling system.
Whereas, I am the I-need-a-fan-even-in-the-dead-of-the-winter type. But that doesn’t mean we don’t hang out together.
She makes sure that I am not dying of a heat stroke, while I see to it that I keep my needs to a minimum so that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable.
Most importantly, your true self will never ask to indulge in any bad habits, like smoking, drinking etc. If she ever does it, it clearly means she is not passing the test.
Were they there for you when you needed them the most?
I am not asking you to have over the top demands. When you were down and needed a friend, were they present by your side? I am not saying they were supposed to be with you in the dead of the night when you suddenly felt down in the dumps. It is not always possible. But, were they with you when they had a chance?
How many of your secrets have stayed a secret?
With a true friend, the answer has to be all of them. See, there are two universally accepted facts. First, we tell our best friends everything. And second, we always treasure something that holds great value for us. Now, there are two reasons why they might want to snitch on you.
Either what you say is not precious enough for them to protect or you are not their best friend. It is a tough pill to swallow, but the sooner you do it the better.
Is your friendship demanding?
For the sake of your friendship to survive, do you have to contact each other a thousand times per day? Understanding is the key. Your true friend will never ask you for an explanation or be mad at you because you could not pick up their call one day.
It doesn’t mean that it is the end of your friendship. They understand that you may have been occupied elsewhere, and they trust you to contact them once you have the time.
If any of your friends have passed the test, then congratulations! But don’t be disheartened even if this analysis leaves none of your buddies in their old position. It is okay. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have. One true friend is enough. And, let me say it.
Everybody does not get a best friend at the same time. It takes time to find ‘the one.’ In my opinion, you should wait for the right person. You don’t have to be with fake friends just because you haven’t found the chosen one. It may take time, but you will find them.