Friends are a beautiful part of our life, everyone finds their own. The moment you just click with someone and you become the best of friends for all your life is just priceless. However, not everyone gets to experience this in their childhood. Are you concerned that this is the case with your child?
I understand your worries. We feel so helpless when we see our children like this. Just imagining a group of young ones playing around and our kids not being included in it makes us sad. But what can we do about it? Here is what.
It is alright.
It is perfectly fine if your child does not have friends in his/her life right now. I know one of the occupational hazards of being a parent is the 24*7 worrying, however, we cannot project that on our kids. It may not even be that big a deal for your kids, but seeing your reactions will definitely make them feel that there is something missing in their life. So, if you do not make a big deal out of it, your kids will also know that there is nothing wrong with them.
Focus on building a character.
Everybody is in search of good friends. If we work on our child and make him/her a mature and well-behaved person, everyone would want to be friends with them. And, instead of you searching for friends, they and their parents will come looking for your child. When you have a good nature, you do not have to worry about your kid making friends, it will automatically happen.
Is it really so bad?
Does your child have no friends or fewer friends? More often than none, it is the latter. They may have a friend or two in class or in your society. And we focus on the part where they don’t have friends. You know what? It is better if they have fewer good friends rather than having a bunch of them who do not even care about you.
It is a good sign if your child is content with one or two friends. It means that they do not have the need to show off anything to anyone, plus they understand the importance of not having excessive baggage.
Understand the difference between loneliness and want to be alone.
You have to figure out whether it is their choice or whether they are really seeking out someone, but cannot. If your child is fine with it, and it was their decision, then I don’t think we have to concern ourselves with it. However, if it is the second one, then we need to step in for their help.
If we want to help out our children, then we need to make ourselves familiar with the situation first, so that we don’t take a wrong step because of little knowledge.
Don’t force your introverted child.
If your child is an introvert, then she/he does not like to mingle with too many people and make acquaintances all the time. It is not in their nature! We can’t expect them to become something that they are not. It is going to be more damaging for your child. How so?
Let us say you have compelled them to go and play with some kids who are always there in the evenings. Now, your child is miserable about the fact that they have been dragged away from whatever they were doing and made to socialize with someone they never wanted to make friends within the first place.
Once they return you obviously expect them to study or do something worthwhile. They just had a lot of fun outside, isn’t it? Not correct as an introverted child may have a tough time going out playing group games. Do we wonder why this child is starting to have poor focus? I think you have the answer.
And also think about the repercussions that it will have on your relationship with your kids. They will start avoiding you. There will be negativity in the house, and they will think that their parents don’t understand them. The rift between you and them increases. I think that is a pretty hefty price you have to pay for a couple of friends.
Why can’t you be their friends?
What do children want from a friend? They want to have a fun time, they want to play silly games, they want to share some secrets with them, and in general, just have a really good time. Well, they can do all of that with you too, can’t they?
When we are with our kids, if we can become kids like them and enjoy with them, there is nothing stopping us from becoming their best friend. Your children will be really happy to have found such amazing companions at home.
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Ask them about it calmly.
If it is really bothering you so much, simply go and ask your children about it. I don’t think there is any point in you worrying about it without even talking to them about it. Voice your concerns in front of them.
When you are sharing your thoughts with them, remember that we do not have to make a big deal out of it. Just ask them casually, like you may have noticed something trivial.
Once you know your child’s side of the story, you will have a better perspective on the whole thing.
Help your child be happy with themselves.
People will come and go. The only definitive constant in your child’s life is going to be them. So, instead of trying to find some people for them, how about, we teach our kids to be content in their own company?
Teach them to enjoy the solitude. It is a rare quality to find in people. And, we can do that only when we are comfortable with ourselves. So, we have a great opportunity to work on it right now when they have fewer distractions.
Look at the silver lining.
There is a bright side to not having friends too. We have more time to focus on our studies, or whatever it is that we want to do! Fewer friends mean fewer interactions with people, and fewer interactions mean lesser distractions. And what do lesser distractions mean? Better concentration! I think, when we focus on the positives, we keep seeing the good things that are happening. But, when we focus on negativity, we can only see issues. I think we should try and change our perspectives a little.
Have patience till they find the right ones.
Some people find it easy to make friends, while some find it difficult. But, everyone has a friend or two out there. We just need to have the patience to find the right people, who can become our own squad. We do not have to hurry and be with someone just because we have to. You are bound to get good fruits for your patience. Keep telling yourself and your children this. It is going to happen, that is for sure, but we cannot specify a time.