As parents, we are sometimes baffled. We do something because we want something, but the consequences are not at all what we had in mind. Our actions, intentions, and results are not in sync. You want a classic example, negativity in the house.
Now, which parent would want the stress and palpable tension in the house? Not even one sane human being! We always want happiness and joy to be our permanent roommates. But, we are often stuck with frustration and dissatisfaction. Why is that? And one often falls prey to the questions, why me?
What we want, and what we do to get it are two wheels of a vehicle. And when they are not aligned it malfunctions. Newton said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So, according to him, you are doing something that is resulting in all the problems in the house. And since we agreed with him (because he is incredibly smart and knew exactly what he was saying) we have to find out what might have gone wrong. Are you doing this unknowingly in your home?
You don’t say, but you think.
Let us take an example. You come home from a tiring day at work. You see your kids just relaxing in front of the TV. It gets on your nerves. But, because you don’t want to put a damper in the atmosphere, you don’t say anything there.
But, it keeps swirling around in your head. The more you think, the more agitated you are about it. And in this state of mind we go about doing our work. Do you think your kids don’t notice it?
Children are very smart, they notice the tiniest of details that even we may have overlooked. When you have such keen observers around you, your actions are not going to go unnoticed. Even if you just keep your bag a little more harshly than you do everyday, they will see. You may think that you did not say anything to them, but it was lingering on your mind and affecting all your actions.
When you freak out over their slip ups.
Everybody makes mistakes, and especially the tiny humans. It is how we learn. We, parents, sometimes get so over-caring that we don’t even realise when our care for them has become a total freak-out episode.
Children will sometimes fall, and it is alright. Our job is to help them stand up, if they need it. We are not supposed to, under any circumstances, prohibit them from walking because we freaked out and took an extreme step.
When you start doing something like this, you start creating a gap between you two. They will be afraid to do anything they want to do, or start hiding things from you. I don’t know which is worse. But, one thing that I am sure of is, any of these actions is going to result in negative energy at home.
What our kids need is love and understanding, especially when they falter. They need you to not panic or ‘lose it’ when they have committed a blunder. They need you to be there for them and tell them it is alright.
Don’t talk to them.
Not talking to your children as a form of punishment is right along with hitting and shouting on the ‘strictly no-no list of parenting list.’ When you don’t talk to your children you think it will teach them the lesson that they needed. But you are mistaken.
Learning something from what happened is left miles behind. Now, your child is going through hell because you are giving them the cold shoulder. You cannot even imagine the trauma that your child goes through when you do this. After this, you cannot expect them to be all cheerful and positive in the house.
Pushing them to do something they don’t like.
There is no one right way. Everyone can have different qualities and choices. In short, it is not necessary that what you think is essential for your child is actually ‘essential.’ For example, if your child does not like to play cricket, then you shouldn’t force them to go and play. It makes them distance themselves from you.
Your child has a different personality. So, it is okay if you want to give a try to various things, but pushing them to do something is going to have adverse effects on your child and your relationship with them.
When you want them to be nothing but perfect
No one can be perfect. Imagine the pressure it would put on your child when you want them to be flawless. There is a very high possibility that you are going to bury them under a lot of unnecessary tension and pressure.
You may think what is the problem with wanting your child to be the best? The problem is that having unrealistic expectations from someone will hamper their actual growth. And they will always be thinking about it. They will start avoiding you because of it. Their confidence will take a huge hit.
When you take everything they do very seriously.
Not everything has to be ‘good for their career.’ And if it isn’t, that does not mean it is useless. If your child likes swimming, great. If they want to participate in competitions, great. But if they don’t want to, also great. Do you get my point?
Everything does not have to be about medals, prizes, and competing. Your kids are going to stop doing something they like just because you took all the fun out of it, and made it about winning. When your kids are not doing something that brings them joy, how will they be happy?
Our house is a living being. It breathes in the emotions and feelings that you put in it. If a plant gets bad air, it will droop. But if it gets a wonderful atmosphere, it is going to thrive. So, when you are positive in the house, the house takes it in. It accumulates all your subconscious and conscious actions and creates an environment accordingly.