Growing up is hard, but raising children is entirely a different ball game. You may think that being a former child, you may have an advantage, but all of it seems to come to no avail while dealing with your kids. There are some problems that we could predict and few problems we had no idea existed. Sometimes, we don’t even realize it is a problem until it hits us right in the face.
And we keep thinking that these problems will go away on their own. But until and unless you deal with them, they aren’t going anywhere. The more you ignore them, the more damaging they will become. So, the best solution is to tackle them head on rather than hiding in the shadows. And to tackle these challenges, you need to know what they are. Here are the problems in raising children that parents definitely encounter.
Stressing yourself and your kid
Being anxious is a default instinct in a parent. But over time, you need to learn to control it. In most households, it is a common scenario that parents are worried about little things and stressing their kids too in the process. ‘Oh, my God! You have a class test tomorrow, how will you ever pass? What do you need to study? Have you studied anything as yet? Oh, dear! Now, what are we going to do?” is a simple example of the kind of panic we are talking about.
Having mini panic attacks for every trivial situation does not make the ‘situation’ go away. And this affects your children’s thought process in a negative way. Panic becomes their natural solution for every situation.
I will correct anything and everything that crosses my path
Now, this spirit is commendable. But if it is your natural state of mind, then we are in trouble. Yes, it’s your duty to tell them if they make a mistake. But no, you are not supposed to keep correcting them all the time. There is a time and place for everything. If you keep ticking them off every second (yes, exaggeration), they are not going to like you, let alone your methods very much.
Have a proper tone that is not at all angry or condescending. Choose a time such that your kids will also be comfortable with it. Ease into the talk. Don’t jump right in with your comments.
I am not micromanaging. I just want you to do it the right way that is my way
Yeah, that is not true. Children or any human being do not like it when someone is continually sitting on their head and telling them what to do. It is the time when they can use their thinking process in a safe environment. Micromanaging has two prime disadvantages. One, they don’t get to develop their views. And two, you are not their favorite person in the world. They will always be irritated and frustrated with you. And there may come a time when they will stop listening to you.
Preparing the road for the child and not the child for the road
Though they are children, they are individual human beings who will lead a separate life. You wanting to protect your child is the right sentiment but not quite the right plan of action. You need to prepare your child for the future. Not make their future for them. It is understandable that you want to give them all the comforts, but be wary that these don’t hinder their personality, decisions, and skills.
Life is not a sprint but a marathon
Focus on the bigger picture. What is more important, your children doing well in class tests or life? Well, the right answer is life. You need to pick your battles to win the war. Don’t stress out about trivial things in life and miss out on the essential parts. If you need to make some decisions that may affect their near future but are beneficial for them in the long run, then don’t hesitate to take them. Fussing over small class tests is going to get you and your child nowhere. Get your priorities straight. Among all the problems in raising children, this is a tough one.
Children need friends
Yes, they do. Most parents think that friends are a dispensable part of a child’s life. But they are wrong. There is joy in camaraderie and fun in the partnership that they need to experience. Having friends is essential now more than ever in the digital world where you need someone who has your back all the time. Life is not complete without a few good friends in life. But most parents tend to forget this fact. It is hard to find good friends these days, not ruining such friendships is essential.
Trying to control rather than influence
“Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.” –Carl Jung
Parents feel the need to control every aspect of their child’s life. They want their children to be the way they see fit. And instead of showing it with actions, they just preach. It doesn’t leave a positive impact on the child. They will never take whatever you say seriously if you don’t lead by example. Don’t introduce the concept of hypocrisy to them by being one.
When you do something, there is nothing left to teach. Children will learn on their own. They are smart that way.
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.” –Bette Davis
Truer words haven’t been spoken. Raising children is never just a bed of roses. You will find thorns, barbs, prickles, and spines along the way. There will always be problems in raising children. But what you need to understand is that no problem is so difficult that you cannot deal with it. If you think it is unsolvable, you just haven’t stumbled across the answer yet. You have to keep searching and trying.