We all want our children to respect us. And whatever we do decides whether it will happen or not. And how can we see that? Their actions will tell us whether we have succeeded in gaining their respect or not.
However, there is a cause for concern. How do we know whether they respect us or fear us? There is a very thin line between both of them, and the difference between them is stark, yet misunderstood to be the same. Here is how you can identify what your children are thinking about you.
If they fear you…
Here are the signs that your children will show if their ‘respect’ for you comes from them being afraid of you.
- Your children will build a wall between the two of you. They will not
open up in front of you. You would think that your children are being the ideal kids, but in reality, they are never showing their true selves in front of you because they are terrified that you may not like who they are in reality.
Kids will always feel the need to hide a part of them from their parents if they think it would bring trouble for them. If you feel that the connection between you and children is amiss, then there is some misunderstanding that needs to be cleared out.
- A lot of parents take pride in telling others that their kids follow all their
instructions without even uttering one word and that they never even question you at all. But, is that truly a good thing?
If your children are doing everything only because they were told, is it because they understood, or were they afraid because you would shout or scream had they not done it? Children listening to parents is a great thing, no doubt about that. But it should be because they understand your viewpoint and not out of any obligation.
- Without a shadow of a doubt, mistakes are a part and parcel of our
life. And when we are kids, we tend to make more blunders. Our focus should be on trying to rectify the situation and also learn something from it. But rather than doing so, our kids are worried about telling it to us because they are scared of what you would say to them if you would come to know.
Instead of focusing on the problem at hand, our kids busy themselves trying to hide it from you. They will get themselves into more trouble than before when they are trying to cook up more schemes to keep it away from you.
- When children fear their parents, they tend to start distancing themselves
from you. They try to make a different world away from you which is void of all the negativity that they feel from being around you. Whenever something new in their life happens, they try to keep you away from it fearing your criticism.
Children will keep their friends away from you. They will not feel like sharing stories with you about them. Not only that, but children will also not tell you if they ever get into relationships because they think you won’t approve of them.
- When kids are scared of us, the chances of them falling prey to things like peer pressure, addiction increase. And when they don’t have a strong support system in their parents, they start spiraling into it. And of course, because they are terrified of you, they will not share it with you. They will try to deal with it themselves. (incapable)
- Your child’s self-esteem takes a big hit when they are living in the constant fear of their parents. They keep feeling inadequate when their parents do not believe in them. One of our major responsibilities is building our child’s self-esteem. But, we are not doing justice to it when our own kids are scared of us.
If they respect you….
- When your children respect you, they will never be afraid to speak
whatever they want in front of you. They will always voice their opinions in front of you. And you know why is that? They value and respect your opinion, moreover, they know that you do the same for them.
Respect is about giving and receiving. Your relationship is going to be based on mutual respect. When your kids know that their parents respect them, they also respect you.
- We all want to have a relationship with our children where we do not
have to get involved in huge fights just to get them to listen to us. But how great would it be if they did it on their own because they want to and not because they had to?
When your kids think that nobody is forcing them to do anything, they are more receptive to advice. When children are not under obligation, they do things that we want them to do because they finally understand it.
- Imagine this. Your child has come across a valuable piece of information
that they cannot share with everyone, only the people that they can trust. And they come to their parents with this secret because there is no one they could trust more than their parents. How does it feel when you imagine it? This is what respect feels like.
- When your children respect you, they may seemingly speak arrogantly in
front of you. But if they are being frank it is actually a good sign. They value your opinion and know that you always have an open mind. So they do not have to think twice when they want to share their opinion.
And isn’t that how a relationship between a parent and child should be? Open, and free with positive energy flowing from both sides. What more could you ask out of the parenting experience?
- When your children respect you, the entire atmosphere in the house is
pleasant and happy. And we know what happy kids mean… better focus and concentration!
Your children work better when they are not under any pressure and stress. If your kids fear you, there will always be a thing on their minds that will stop them from doing what they like. There will always be a part of them that will keep pulling them away fearing your reaction to what they are doing. But, when there is no fear, nothing is holding them back. They can totally focus on their goals.
- Children are bound to slip up from time to time. And that is alright, they
are getting many opportunities to learn. And the actual learning part happens when they can combine forces with you, rather than cowering away from you because they are terrified that you may scold them, or punish them, for their mistakes.
Respect is an amazing thing. Instead of pushing the people apart, it brings
them together. However, the fear keeps us at bay from each other.
- When your kids have a healthy relationship with you, they are less prone to things like peer pressure. When your kids are strongly influenced by you, there is a very little chance that they will be influenced by anything else.
Now that we have seen the difference between fear and respect, we have understood what our children think about us. Now, it is up to us where we take this relationship. Now the question is not do your children respect you or fear you. Now the question is do you want to be feared or respected?