Sometimes we choose to do the right thing, but we still don’t get what we expected from it. And we are almost ready to give up on the whole idea. But, before doing that, think about this.
Are you doing it the right way? Yes, you are committed to the idea, but is there something that you are missing? It is the same case with positive parenting. When parents commit to this idea, and it doesn’t work, they give up on it. Here is the truth, it works.
But, sometimes along the way, we miss some crucial points and end up with no positive outcomes. So, here are seven reasons why positive parenting may not be working.
- To not do ‘quality time’ right.
Spending time with your children is an essential part of positive parenting. And sometimes, we forget what it actually stands for.
Quality time is where you and your child have fun by doing something together. For example, going to an amusement park and letting them enjoy on their own while you have fun on your own does not constitute spending time with each other.
Another instance is when you are out as a family, but everyone is on their phone. Yes, both of you are happy in these scenarios. But what did you do together? Also, time is not a factor here.
Just because you are sitting with them for two hours does not have to mean that you had fun together, quality over quantity.
Whatever time you have with your children, make the most of it. Enjoy together so that they want to do this again. Don’t make it a tedious ritual for them that they ‘have to’ do. They should do it because they ‘want to’ do it.
- Not consistent
In positive parenting, you cannot keep changing your stance. You have to abide by whatever structure you agreed on before starting. Once you have decided to go the positive way, there are no backsies.
You will have to go through with it to reap the benefits of your patience. Your positivity can not be mood-based. When you are in a good mood, you will shower them with positivity.
And when in a bad mood, positivity, what is that? This scenario is not positive parenting. Think of the impact it will have on your children. They will be so confused and won’t know how to react.
Also, there are some rules at home that you and your child have decided. If and when one of them is broken, you have to go through with the consequences too.
And not just for the first few days when you are excited about it and want to do everything right. Keeping up with the pace even after the initial charm has worn off is of the essence.
- Want instant results
Patience is the key. Walking on the right path is never easy. You will face a lot of resistance in the beginning. But, that is part of the process. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t working.
Give it some time. It takes time for the roots to strengthen. Making the foundation strong takes time. And even if you feel helpless sometimes that positive parenting isn’t working, hang in there. It will definitely work out.
A story that I saw the other day on the internet comes to mind. There were two miners looking for diamonds. And they were digging and digging when suddenly, one of the miners got a small diamond, and he went away.
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Seeing this, the second miner grew impatient, and he went to the place where the other miner was digging and started his work there. He too got a small diamond there and went away happy.
But what he did not know was that just where he was digging was a ‘big and beautiful’ diamond that he missed out on just because he wanted instant results.
- To not follow what you preach.
If you want your children to learn something that you don’t do yourself, then you are going to have a hard time convincing them.
For example, you can’t ask your children to keep their phones down or not watch TV while eating if you do the same when you are eating.
Another example, you can’t ask them to read a book if you haven’t even seen the cover of one in a thousand years (but if you have seen it in five hundred years, even then you can’t ask them).
If you do it yourself, then there is no reason to go out of your way to teach them that. They will learn on their own.
- Lack of connection
You are doing everything right out of the positive parenting book. But, somewhere you miss the page of connection, and now everything is askew.
If two wires in a circuit are not connected, then the current does not flow. In the same way, if the bridge between you two is not working, then there isn’t much that positive parenting can do. Everything you do is going to mean nothing if you are not on the same page with your child.
Communicate with them. Listen to them. Take feedback, see what they are liking, and what they would like to change. Positive parenting is not just about you. It is about your children too. So, understanding their perspective is just as important.
- Sending mixed signals
What does that mean? You say one thing and do quite the opposite. When you tell your children that they can tell you everything and anything they want without judgment, and you go and criticize them when they really do come to you, they are not going to be happy.
Forget happy they are not going to trust you anymore. Such things are harmful to your relationship. Only saying something is not enough. You have to show it in your actions.
When you say I won’t be angry if you make a mistake, then you can’t be angry when they actually do something wrong.
- To not give them enough space.
When you are trying out something new with your children, don’t keep them under the microscope all the time. Let them have their space.
Positive parenting does not mean that you have to be around them every waking moment of their life. Let them have some time alone with themselves too.
It is just as important as them spending time with you. They are also going through a lot of changes and need time to think about it. Which is going to be impossible with you always near them. Give them time.
They will come to you themselves.
These are the seven things you may be doing unknowingly that are putting a damper in your progress. Don’t be disheartened. It is never too late. Now that you know what may be going wrong, you can work on it. A mistake is a mistake only if you don’t learn from it.