Love for your child is a powerful driving force. You love them to no end and you may make some mistakes along the way. You don’t even realize where and when you went wrong. Enemies are the people who harm you. And when you do that, unknowingly, you become your child’s enemy. Parents always want to do what is best for their kids and while doing so they sometimes end up being harmful for their child. Here are a few ways that unknowingly make you your child’s enemy.
Anything that is in limits is good. But when you cross the safety limit, it becomes dangerous for you. In a similar fashion pampering is beneficial in safe amounts but when it becomes too much, it makes you your child’s enemy. Pampering is a way to shower your child with love. Now, this does not mean in any way that pampering means showering them with limitless luxuries and spoiling them.
When you understand that pampering simply means giving them a hug or a kiss or telling them that you love them whenever you feel you can never spoil them. But more often than none, the meaning of pampering changes from love to materialistic things. That is when you are harming your kids.
Keeping them in a safe bubble
Protection is a feeling that you get automatically when you become a parent. What is important is how far you take it. You are not helping your child by building a shell around them and protecting them. You think that the world is a scary place which is why you need to keep your child away from it. Yes and no. Yes the world is a scary place, and no you don’t have to keep your child away from it. After all they are a part of it and they need to make it on their own.
By helping them every time for everything you don’t even realize that you are making them incapable. You are making them dependent on you for all their lives.
Worrying about future and forgetting the present
You may have a ten year plan or a twenty year plan for your child. Planning ahead is a good sign. But when you keep doing that 24*7 you forget to live in the present. If you constantly keep worrying about their future how will you help them in the present? For wanting to make their future perfect, you ruin their present which in turn affects their future. Do right in the present and the future will keep becoming good.
Not accepting them as they are
Every child is different. Everybody is born with different qualities. Everybody has a different purpose in life. Everyone has their own dreams and aspirations. And most of all each person has their own ways. Your child is also an independent human being. They are going to be as different as it comes. The earlier you understand this, the better.
You have to accept the fact that they are going to have their own personality. They will make different choices. Don’t try to make them a different person. Try and understand them. Be there to support them and give them advice. Don’t decide everything for them.
Sorry but not sorry
You teach your child many values. But what is more important is do you yourself abide by these values? You teach your children to say sorry. You teach them that whenever they make a mistake they need to acknowledge it and apologize for it. But how many times have you apologized when you make a mistake?
You are a human and you will make mistakes. If you want to teach them, you need to lead by your actions. A simple act of apologizing makes your child understand the importance of these values. But if you let your ego get in the way your child is bound to learn wrong things. They will never listen to you when you tell them anything. Be prepared if your child says, ‘if you don’t do it then why should I?’
Not cultivating sense of responsibility
You cannot always be there to do your child’s work for them. If you keep spoon-feeding how in the world will they learn to do it themselves? How will they become responsible? Making your children responsible will help them in the long run.
Start small, start soon. It is better to start cultivating this quality in them from a younger age. They need to understand that their actions will always have good or bad consequences. Furthermore, you need to teach them to take responsibility for their actions and face the consequences.
Disrespecting their views
Everyone is entitled to have their own views. Your children too. Don’t dismiss their views or disrespect them. Instead, support them in their views. This will make them an independent person. Think of what impact the thought that your own parents don’t accept your views will have on them. They will constantly question themselves. They will always be insecure about everything they do.
Take an effort to understand their views. Even if you can’t agree with them, be mature about it and tell them that in a calm and respectful way. They need to know that even though their parents are not sure about their views they will always support their child, no matter what. Don’t become your child’s enemy by being disrespectful towards them and their views.
Thinking that they are just kids, they don’t know what they are talking
They may be kids but that does not mean they don’t know what they want. Understanding is not something you suddenly get when you are older. It happens gradually, over time (like everything else). So next time when they say they have had enough food or they want to do this, don’t dismiss it on the grounds that they are kids and they are irrational. Talk to them how you would talk to a mature and wise person. You will be surprised to see that the person who is talking to you is also a pretty intelligent person.