When it comes to parenting, parents do anything to protect their child. But, are we also doing things that we shouldn’t?
Why do parents behave the way they do when raising a child?
One answer is that they are trying to model the behaviour of their own parents. Many parents try to portray their own parents, how they have been brought up, they try to do the same for their children. Another is that they are gathering in accord with information about relevant parenting through books, websites, or informal and formal advice. Yet another major determinant of their behaviour lies in their usual attitudes as well as specific beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that are aroused during parenting: These have a potent impact on behaviour, even if parents are agitated by or unaware of that impact. Researchers engaged in children’s development have explored parenting attitudes, cognitions, and the resulting emotions (such as anger or delight), because of their impact on parenting behaviour and on the subsequent impact of that parenting behaviour on children’s socio-emotional and cognitive development.
Your child’s attitude, aims, perspective, and viewpoint depend on what he/she receives from you. What your kids undergo or learn at their young age will have an imprint on them. And this learning is directly fueled from ‘you’ the parent and the environment at home.
Therefore, it is important that you focus on your parenting skills and know-how to become a better parent. Remember that parenting is not just about granting wisdom to your child but allowing them to evolve and find their own lifestyle.
To begin with, we have provided some pointers which we often do (unconsciously, obviously!). So, let’s begin:
- Your overprotective nature
Parents are often confused that there is a fine line between having a concern for your child and overprotecting them. When they see that other kids are having fun, they’re doing homestays, going to malls and restaurants. They might become demented by breaking the rules and covering up their trails up in every cunning way possible or else they’ll become notably shy, obedient, and passive. They tend to hide things from you as they know that they won’t be able to get your permission. Your child will always be hesitant to seek out new activities and will have a hard time to get along with others. Parents go out of their zones to protect and make sure they are providing everything to their child, this is ideally not healthy, for you and esp for them.
- Lots of advice, yet no encouragement
Your big-big pieces of advice, won’t do any good if your speech won’t include any word of encouragement. This can imprint a serious impact on their mind. This way they feel like they’re up to no good and then gradually degrade themselves. They might have felt like a loser as they don’t have their own voice or opinions. You need to show some empathy and encourage them by adding some positive feedback and how they can stay positive in their life.
- Yelling at them in front of others
If you’re one of those parents who tend to yell at children in public, then you need to change your behaviour. Due to this, children tend to hide things from their parents as they don’t feel comfortable in front of their parents. This will make them conscious and they find it difficult to express themselves. The moment they start thinking that they can’t share anything with you, it’ll become extremely difficult for you to influence them in a positive way. They will also start feeling scared as they think that their parents do not understand them. It will lower their morale. Just remember one thing that you can’t teach your kid discipline by scolding or yelling at them. Mutual understanding is really important.
- Comparing them with others
We, as parents, have a habit of comparing our kids with others. But, it just breaks your child’s mild heart. Even if your idea is to just set an example for your kid, don’t do it. You never know in what way they can take this. So, it always advisable that you shouldn’t compare your kid with others. It will lower down their self-esteem, become shy from social situations, and can have stress over this. Liberate yourself and your kid from undue pressure for performance. It’s more in the parents than kids:- this habit of competing and comparing. They need space to bloom and that by themselves.
Most of the parents didn’t even realize when they have reached from pampering to over pampering. It is more likely to be seen that parents feel this pressure that they have to the best parents. And to become that, they make their child totally depend upon themselves. They try to complete a child’s urge. Children are getting everything they want, without any inconvenience. Try not to jump in to help your child at the most inadequate hint of a struggle, let him learn and grow. If you are always there to assist your child at the slightest sign of a struggle, you will only deprive your child of various opportunities that are significant for their development, and they will always be dependent on you. A child learns through challenges and experiences, and though most parents bleed to see their wards in pain, we need to let our children evolve and grow progressively, individually, and responsibly into well-matured adults.
Parenting is tough and unfortunately, there isn’t any manual available for it. We are on our own and it’s absolutely okay to make mistakes as far as you’re learning from those!
It might sound like a lot of work, to be on such a constant vigilance about your actions and words. However, it will be a lot easier to try and think of it as ‘being your best self’, for yourself, to begin with. Just remember that you can’t be the ideal parent but the least you can do is try to be the best teacher of your child. Be kind to others because it is indeed a virtue, not only because you want your children to be kind too. You just need to flip your perspective, and the journey can become a cakewalk.
All the best!